Regardless of who you are legally or biologically our Bureau of Social Licenses can grant you the freedom you always wanted, but weren't born with. Need a bathroom pass at Target? We got you covered. Need to prove your true identity to other people online or in person? Just apply for the correct social license and you can enjoy the freedoms and privilege of any class, race, sex, ethnicity, nationality or almost anything you can imagine!
That's OK. Just apply for a social license to identifying as either gender.
Get a permission license to appropriate their Culture, Ethnicity and Food.
Wash your social sins away with a Reverse Certification social license. Don't be anything you're not!
Send that person a Social Violation notice to correct their behavior.
Issue a Clarification License. Send out a decree of the true definition to the world!
"I wanted to listen to Beyonce's new album, but I wasn't black. Well, I applied for a social license identifying as a black person. Now I don't have to turn off the radio when her songs come on!"- Basic white girl.
"Classmates at my college were accusing me of being a white, straight male. After receiving a Reverse Certification for not being white or male, I can finally attend classes in peace."- College aged male.
"Eating a hamburger got me stabbed. Who knew vegetarians were so angry? Their violent reaction changed my opinion. Now I issue Social Violations to prevent burger-related stabbings."- Died shortly after.
"My college was operating an unlicensed safe space. With the help of the Social Justice Enforcement Agencies, I was able to help properly tax and regulate every person within 15 feet of a pillow."- College Grad.
"I used to disregard sex, and never really thought about it. But third-wave Feminism showed me that it's not the Middle East oppressing women, it's me."- Male. Obviously. Ugh.
"I got my first job and quit thanks to Bernie Sander's 2016 Presedential Campaign. Did you know that robots will do all the work in like 5 years? I'm redefining income."- Excessive pot smoker.
"The fair and unbiased writers at Huffington Post, Gawker and so many other blogs said I was a bigot, racist and stupid for being born a certain way."- Happy Birthday, racist.
"I can't pay attention long enough to understand why people are calling me all these names? What did I do?"- Twitter user.
"My life didn't matter. But now it does!"- Newly made black person.
Anytime someone accuses you of privilate or something beyond your control, just show them your Not Privileged social license. If they argue with you, please remind them that we are the Department of Social Justice and nobody can disagree with us, because we are the highest Social Justice authority. Thank you for using our services.